Highlights of Abby Gaines’ writing career

1. Being born. “Without this, I can honestly say I would never have achieved anywhere near the number of rejections I have. Thanks, Mom and Dad!”

2. Hand-wrote her first novel at age 17. Typed it and sent it to a publisher, who used it to line the office cat’s litter tray. Abby’s younger sister loved it, though.

3. Had another stab at fiction years later, after winning accolades as a business journalist. Not that any of Abby’s business stories ever veered into fiction…. Nearly six years later still, she sold her first novel to Harlequin (Question: Is Abby a slow learner?). Her family and friends were once again able to look her in the eye without pity or embarrassment.

4. Sold another 14 books to Harlequin. Dismayed to find it gets harder, not easier, to write the best book she can. Clearly, writing books is not like riding a bike, driving a car or cleaning the bathroom. Thank goodness.

Five things that annoy Abby in fiction

1. “Little did she know…” This phrase makes Abby want to twirl her evil mustache. Since one of her life goals is never to have a mustache, no matter how hairy her grandmother was, this isn’t a good thing.

2. Characters who say the profound, perfect, just-right thing in those moments when everyone else flounders (e.g. in the face of death, serious illness, desperation, etc.). Luckily, Abby doesn’t know anyone like that in real life, with the excusable exception of her church pastor.

3. Books that feature too much death, serious illness, desperation, etc. And really evil, sick people. (“I like to sleep at night”)

4. The general excess of characters raised in the foster care system and / or with alcoholic / abusive fathers and / or mothers who abandoned them. Abby believes most of us can screw up our lives and be entertainingly dysfunctional with perfectly “normal” backgrounds.

5. Scenes where people do housework. Hello? Have you never heard of escapism?

Abby’s five favorite health foods

1. Peanut Butter M&Ms – these puppies have 4 grams of protein per serve! (not to be confused with peanut M&Ms, which are entirely banal)

2. Strawberries – how can something that tastes so perfect actually be good for you?

3. Greek-style yoghurt (“Don’t look while I drizzle some honey over…mmm”)

4. Sourdough bread – lowish GI, that’s good enough for Abby

5. Macadamia nuts – enough said.

Abby’s five most detested health foods

1. Cottage cheese. Did you know that stuff is made from mold scraped from the floorboards of decrepit cottages?

2. Egg white omelets. If it doesn’t have a yolk, it’s not an egg.

3. “Diet” soft drinks. They do taste different.

4. Fat-free salad dressing. That’s not salad dressing, it’s sugary water.

5. Vegetarian bacon, sausages, turkey. “I mean, come on. If you’re a vegetarian, you don’t get to eat bacon, sausages or turkey. Suck it up.”

Two charities that in all seriousness Abby thinks are fantastic and very deserving of support

Freeset – a fair trade business offering employment to women trapped in Kolkata’s sex trade. Plus, they sell cool stuff.

Mercy Ships – takes hospital ships to developing nations, treating burns, tumors, obstetric fistula and many other conditions.